Friday, September 30, 2011

Please tell us how we can better annoy you

I am very gradually working up the nerve to kill my Facebook account. The only thing preventing me from deleting it and dropping FB a line asking them to erase all my old information is my fear that I'll lose touch with all the old acquaintances with whom Facebook has put me back in contact. But then again, giving people's YouTube links the occasional thumbs up and checking up on the hourly changes in their moods is more like tending to a Tamagotchi pet than maintaining a fulfilling and meaningful friendship.

Point is, I have a Facebook account. And when I checked it earlier today, I found this sponsored ad:

Hm. What's the correct answer to this one?

What they're really asking is: Is our intrusive advertising intrusive enough? Is our product on enough billboards, subway posters, taxicab tops, and website sidebars?

If I click "yes," they'll think: Cool! Let's continuing placing our advertisements on billboards, subway posters, taxicab tops, and website sidebars! Increased demand will result in the erection of more billboards, more ad placement in public transportation, more web adverts smeared across my browser window, etc.

If I click "no," they'll think: Hm. In that case, we need to diversify. We should place more ads in public urinals, video games, park benches, Kindles, etc. Before long, somebody figures out that every individual sidewalk panel could conceivably host an advertisement.

What about "not sure?" That just tells them to keep paying for Facebook polls to gauge the returns on the money they're paying on advertising to get bigger returns on the product they're selling.

I feel sort of worried that (A) advertisers have turned to crowd sourcing and are seeking my input on how they can more effectively bother me (B) thousands of New Media-conditioned zombies are likely playing along with it, because they have come to construct their identities based on what they can say they like/dislike, recognize/do not recognize, lol/wtf.

I keep having to clarify that I'm moving to a Quaker retreat, not the Amish country. The more I think about stuff like this, the more I wish I could escape to Lancaster.


  1. Someone put a lot of effort into the Ides of March marketing campaign, the least you can do is answer their poll.

  2. A Quaker retreat? My curiosity is dieing to know what and why.

  3. Ray: I am too ashamed of myself to offer a witty retort.

    Adam: I got a paying internship at a Quaker retreat's education program. Needed a change. The pay isn't much, but they'll be feeding and housing me.